April 2012
1 post
Oh yeah, I have a Tumblr…
January 2012
2 posts
January 23, 2012
So I was with some friends today, and one of them, female, was going on about how awful her boyfriend was, and how she was going to break up with him because she apparently thought he was cheating on her (he wasn’t.) I know her boyfriend, he’s a good guy, very funny, and very honest. I, along with my friends, tried to calm her down and explain how he’s a good person, and to not...
I used to post things to Tumblr and Twitter, but then I took a Skyrim to the life.
December 2011
1 post
Dear Christmas Fairy,
All I want this year is for my mommy to finally dump Chad, he’s been lingering and he uses all our tools.
Love, Brandon
November 2011
2 posts
Duff LeCroy is a pretty cool name I just made up.
Brandon's Guide To Living And Enjoying Life Part 1
These are some helpful tips and tricks to making the most of your most likely boring-ass life! Here we go.
- Have sex with AT LEAST 2.5-3 women PER DAY, for up to five (5) hours each.
- Drink plenty of fluids. (Excluding water, milk, orange juice, any type of Kool-Aid, POM Wonderful, bear dew [don’t ask], milkshakes, tea, ice tea, lemon juice, and of course alcoholic beverages)
- Make...
October 2011
1 post
Am I Too Funny?
I’ve been pondering this question for some time now, and have reached a conclusion. Over the course of the last few weeks, I’ve been steadily gaining Twitter followers, but in the last couple of days, I have noticed that my follower count has taken a downturn. Now, don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less about having millions of followers and becoming famous, but I...
September 2011
9 posts
Ohio
I can honestly say that being from Ohio has prepared me for anything life may throw at me. Like winter. Yeah, winter. And summer. Summer too. And living in a major city, such as Chicago or New York. Living in Ohio has definitely prepared me for living in a major city such as Chicago or New York. Also, jobs. Ohio has prepared me for many jobs. Like Chicago or New York. Summer too. I gotta go now...
“A watched pot never boils”? Well duh, pots don’t just boil on their own. What, did you think pots could just spontaneously boil themselves out of thin air? I think you mean “Watched water never boils.” Moron. You’re a dumbbutt.
Can you be addicted to a movie? Because I’ve watched Ocean’s 11 literally every time it’s on/when I’m bored. Is there movie rehab? Where is it? If it’s in Vegas, I’m in trouble, because nothing would stop me from recreating every scene and line from Ocean’s 11.
We So Excited
I couldn’t be any more excited for AMC’s “Hell On Wheels.” And Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol. And Modern Warfare 3. And…nope, that’s it.
Did you pals ever hear that song “Everybody Wants To Rule The World” by Tears For Fears? I mean *really* listen to it. Tears For Fears were, and still are, a fantastic band, but that song was kinda bizarre. Go listen to it. Even just the first verse. Go ahead. I’ll wait. Are you back? I KNOW, RIGHT?
Dear Hollywood,
“The Rundown” could’ve been a really short movie. In the beginning, some guy incapacitates The Rock by shooting fucking beanbags at him. Why didn’t the bad guys he beats up in the rest of the movie just do that, then shoot him in the fucking face while he was down? Come on Hollywood, did you really think people wouldn’t think about this scenario happening when they...
August 2011
12 posts
“Another year older, another year wiser”? What a crock of shit that is.
Today is my Birthday, and yes, another year has passed, but I feel neither older nor wiser. I have aged, but I don’t feel much wiser. Just another shitty year.
Whatever, I’m going back to bed.
Watchrob-tombrady:
In case you missed it, here’s why you should NOT vote for Stevenamiri!!!
FANTASTIC
My Dinner At Chili's With Motley Crue.
Today was a different kind of day, and I must share this tale I’m about to unfold with you.
Now, today I went up to Detroit to see the Indians game. Fantastic game, but of course not as fantastic as I would’ve liked, considering my team lost by one run. Anyway, the game was fun. I spent time with family and friends and told jokes and such. Now, while the game itself took up most of...
TRUTHFUL TOOSDAY
- I spent a night in jail in ‘07 for throwing my shoes down a flight of stairs. (Seriously, some lady complained.)
- I’m allergic to most types of cheeses.
- My Grandparents owned 2 circuses in the ’40s.
- My Uncle, William, used to know Steven Spielberg.
- I had surgery in 2004 to fix a toe that was misshapen since birth.
The End
Slashleen: "Do You Like Phil Collins? →
slashleen:
I’ve been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn’t understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins’ presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group’s undisputed…
One of my favorite movies. I loved the “Murders & Executions” part.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
That’s it, I’ve had it with all this fucking bullshit. I’m gonna lay it all on the line for all of you. I’m sick of all the fucking posers and shit. I’m gonna blow the lid off this whole fucking thing. Later. Maybe. Ok, no. I’ll go to sleep now.
I’m the kind of person that goes to McDonald’s at 2 AM, then shoves the meal receipt into the hole in the flat tire I got while driving there in an attempt to fix it.
MY MOTHERFUCKING TWITTER STORY, MOTHERFUCKER.
So I’m sitting there on my couch watching On The Waterfront for like, the 187,000th time, and I start thinking, I should get a twitter account. So I go to Africa, right? I go to where they mine all of the twitter accounts, right? I mean, seriously. BIG fucking holes in the ground and shit like that. There’s this big, fat, shaman motherfucker, right? He says he can help me find the...
“TV used to be called ‘the vast wasteland’. That’s all about to...”
– Mark Goodman, MTV VJ, on the premire of MTV, August 1, 1981.
July 2011
27 posts
“THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS!”
– John Wilkes Booth.
A-Z Meme
A- Age: 14
B- Bed Size: Twin
C- Chore You Hate: Work
D- Dad’s Name: Naithen
E- Ecstasy: Drug of choice
F- Favorite Color: Light Golden-rod yellow
G- Gump: I just really like Forrest Gump
H- Hats?: Sure
I- Iodine: Element Number 53
J- Jelly: Great With Peanut Butter
K- Kids: 2 1/3
L- Loch Ness Monster: Exists!
M- Mom’s Name: Gwenysha
N- North Pole: Where...
Don’t forget to come to my tweetup. It’s on Friday, back of the house, five o’clock. Be there or don’t!
“I tried to make it Sunday, but I got so damned depressed.”
– The Eagles
STARS
I figure if I can get at least one person to star a tweet, I’m good. I’m not big on followers, but if I can get one person to laugh, that’s great. It gets me through my day.
Seeing Captain America
So I’m sitting there watching this Charlie Chaplin movie, and it made me wonder how old he was. So I looked it up and it turns out he died a long time ago, but I saw some pictures of him as an old man, and it made me think about what I would look like as an old man, and then I thought about what I would do in Heaven, probably play Crash Bandicoot 24/7, then I heard a knock at the door. I go...
Fuck Your "Classics"
I absolutely love movies. All genres, all types, whether they be three hour epics or 90 minute spoofs. But what I can’t understand is how, after all these years, we as a society still go back and say that most movies made before 1970 are the best, and there’s no point in arguing. We are all allowed an opinion, but seriously? AFI, the American Film Institute, STILL ranks “Citizen...
Well damn. I thought I had lost it forever, but no. I just found what has to be the biggest waste of paper I have ever used.
Let me clarify. Back in 7th grade, I wrote a story, consisting of two parts divided into about 7 chapters each, which, if read today, would be considered nothing but the ramblings of a madman. The story in no way has flow, plot, or substance, and I am seriously...
TRUTHFUL TOOSDAY
-I’ve made people switch seats with me on airport shuttles because I preferred a different color seat.
-I won a goldfish at a county fair once, but as the man handed me the bag, he dropped it and the bag burst, killing the fish. I cried the rest of the time.
-I slapped someone for calling ice cream sprinkles “jimmies”.
-I once tripped and fell into a car, ending up...
Why didn’t the Mayans predict this Twitter crash? Fucking bullshit.
Now that Twitter’s broken, let’s all go to tumblr to complain about things.
I’m not sure what is happening with Twitter, but my account has zero followers and is following zero people, and I can’t see any tweets. Maybe someone knows what to do?
Breeding Discontent: a confession →
thenardster:
getoffendedbone:
I have a confession to make. Everything I’ve said, tweeted & posted has been leading up to this single blog entry. One of you is going to read this and it will redefine everything you thought you knew about me, about yourself. If you’re not the person this post is intended for, you can either…
Thanks for the mindfuck, jerk. But seriously, this is one of the...
POTENTIAL BLOCKBUSTER IDEA
Mila Kunis starred with Natalie Portman in Black Swan, a ballet movie. They have now both done “no relationship, just sex” movies. Portman with Ashton Kutcher, Kunis with Justin Timberlake. I think we all know what must happen now.
ASHTON KUTCHER AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE MUST STAR IN A MALE VERSION OF THE BALLET MOVIE BLACK SWAN.
Stuff to Look At.: It's All Been Done, Bleh. →
rob-tombrady:
Every time I see someone write “Every joke has already been done blah blah blah” I want to throw up.
How’s your flat earth? How’s your top of the line horse buggy?
The day you say “Eh everything’s been done” is when you stop pushing yourself to be better and you start making Katherine Heigl…
I couldn’t agree more.
Favorite Movie/Best Movie
This situation has happened on more than one occasion. We’re watching a bunch of movies, all day, and of course, at the end, the question is asked “Which one did you like best?” So someone says “Well, my FAVORITE one was _____, but I thought the BEST one was ______.” After this, I always get confused. You mean to tell me that you took the time to find out what made that movie the best, but it...
I Need To Vent
What’s that you say? Oh, a party, sounds fun! Wait, what do you mean “Oh, well I guess we HAVE to tell him now.”
The above situation happened today and I must say, I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE FOR IT. Look, maybe you don’t like me, so you didn’t tell me, but if that’s the case, JUST FUCKING TELL ME ANYWAY. I love a good party. What is so bad about “giving away the secret”? Just tell me why I wasn’t...
Thank You
This post may be entirely worthless to some people, but I just wanted to thank my great pals Hadzilla and rob-tombrady for following. Carry on.
